Family Minute

I really enjoy the Family Minutes on the Radio with Mark Merrill.  My friend sent this to me and I really like it.  Its a tool you can use when your child has done something wrong (this could only be used for children old enough to read and write).  After I have found that that have done something wrong, often, my child gets really upset and angry.  This worksheet really helps the child identify the problem and the feelings they are having.  They take it to their bedroom and work on this worksheet.  When they are done then they bring it to you and you can discuss it together.  I have used it a few times and it really helped.  By the time my boy brought me the paper, he wasn't upset anymore and he was ready to discuss the problem.  Not to mention I was ready as well.  Try it and let me know if it worked for you.  You may have a technique that already works well for you, please share.  Here is the link if you want to be able to print this out to use.   Thanks Lisa for sharing this with me!
http://www.familyminute.com/tools/training-tools/think-about-it

Be specific in your Praise

Another tip from our experienced parents, and newly empty-nesters.  When you praise your children, be very specific.  Also be careful about the kind of praise you give.  If you are constantly saying to your "cute" little girl.  You are so cute.  What message are you really sending.   Is being cute all that is important to you?  Is that her talent?   The example was given of a girl who was told this constantly by friends and family and at the young age of 2 or 3 she was spending much too long in front of the mirror getting ready in the morning because she wanted to make sure she was cute.  Praise that would be more beneficial to your child could be, "Wow, look at your drawing, you worked hard on that."  or "Thank you for helping today in the kitchen, you are a great helper."

The wife cited a study about the difference praise from others can really effect a child's thinking and then behavior.  I found an article that references the study, I'll do a quick summary and then you can follow the article link and read more if you are interested (it is very well written).  

Basically a study was done on two different fifth-grade classrooms.  Both equally smart children.  After performing a test out in hallway half the children were praised with "You must be smart at this", and the other half were praised with "you must have worked really hard."  Those who were praised fro the intelligence in the end of the study always chose the easy questions and opted out of the hard problems.  The opposite group were not afraid of trying harder problems and were not afraid of getting the answers wrong.  

I know I can really work on this, with all of my own children.  Being specific in what they do and how I appreciate them.  

Research Article on Praise

Love your children and your husband the way they want to be loved

I've been mulling over this idea for a while since we had a great evening of dinner, fun and games and then a couple spoke about things that they felt really helped them raising their family.  They are recently empty nesters and had some wonderful thoughts.
Love your children and your husband the way they want to be loved.
Basically it is to truly take an interest and not only an interest but learn to love to do the things your children love.  He gave the example that when he got married his wife just loved horses.  He hoped that she would get over it and move on to other things they enjoyed together.  He got her a couple horses and he helped take care of it.  At first he hated and despised taking care and cleaning up after the horses. She just loved these horses and loved riding them.  One day he had a moment where he realized that she was not going to get over horses and so he decided that day that he would start loving horses as well and find enjoyment in it because it meant so much to his wife.  He even prayed for help to find the joy in it.  Now he loves every part of having horses.  It's a great thing they enjoy together.  It's brought them closer together.
This can be applied to your children just as easily.  Is there something that your child loves that you could really love them the way they want to be loved and take an interest in it?  It really has made me evaluate my own relationship with each of my children and my husband.  How can I better love my family.  It can be really simple things like back scratches, foot rubs, or just listening to them when they come home from school and work.  Don't we all want to be loved the way we want to be loved?  I know by doing this it will come back to us in love ten fold.  I think it''s definitely something to consider and mull over.