That was enough for me to decide our kids are not going to do sleepovers. If a friend has a sleepover party we will let them do a later night and then come home at curfew. Growing up we had a saying, "Nothing Good happens after midnight" I think you could put any curfew time in that phrase.
One parent we talked with said that their kids had the hardest time with the no sleepover rule when they were younger like 8-10 years old and then it became a no issue because the kids got use to the rule. I really enjoyed a talk given by Elder Larry R. Lawrence last week during General Conference. His talk was entitled "Courageous Parenting" Wow, what powerful examples and words he used! Here is what he said about sleepovers.
May I express my personal warning about a practice that is common in many cultures. I am referring to sleepovers, or spending the night at the home of a friend. As a bishop I discovered that too many youth violated the Word of Wisdom or the law of chastity for the first time as part of a sleepover. Too often their first exposure to pornography and even their first encounter with the police occurred when they were spending the night away from home.
Peer pressure becomes more powerful when our children are away from our influence and when their defenses are weakened late at night. If you have ever felt uneasy about an overnight activity, don’t be afraid to respond to that warning voice inside. Always be prayerful when it comes to protecting your precious children.
Heather,
ReplyDeleteGreat post! I appreciate your thoughts on the topic (and especially the quote from Conference).
Its true that nothing good happens after curfew. Thinking about where I am today and where I'm trying to get to . . . my growing-up experiences with sleeping over didn't do anything to get me closer to my goals (and a few pushed me further away).
Thanks for sharing!
After listening to that Conference talk, I came to the same conclusions. This was a great post.
ReplyDeleteSince moving to the area, I have talked with several parents who only allow late-overs. I have struggled with what to do, since I have felt uneasy about it. After that conference talk, we've decided to follow that council as well. My kids will just have to enjoy sleepovers with family.
ReplyDeleteLisa said "I agree with Heather. At a softball team sleepover my coach was the one who showed us an R rated movie and at another sleepover I was shown a pornographic magazine. My parents trusted these people! I don't think we need to throw our kids in the lion's den to see if they can survive, or be trusted. We can develop trust in everyday life with school work, chores and coming home on time when at friend's houses. Our kids will have opportunities with scout camp, girls camps and conferences for being away from us and I am a whole lot more comfortable with those." From Facebook comment.
ReplyDeleteJennifer said "I have to agree with Scout, I would only send my kids to sleepovers where I trust the parents. I went to several sleepovers as a kid, most unsupervised however, my group of friends didn't drink, do drugs, smoke or get molested. There was never a police officer involved or pornographic movies. Horror movies however....well that was another story! Kids need parents to trust them in order for them to grow.....if you raised them right you need not fear, especially if you trust the parents." Facebook comment
ReplyDeleteScout said: "Thank you for bringing up this interesting topic. I had sleep overs when I was younger. the worst thing that ever happened was we got the neighbors mad at us for being too loud too late at night. Why was this the worst thing that happened? because our parents (mine and the parents of my friends with whom we would stay on occasion) were diligent in their supervision of our activities. There are problems with sleepovers, yes. But I think they can also be good growing experiences for young people.
ReplyDeleteLet's not jump too quickly to banning them (like swings on playgrounds in one nearby school district recently) just because it 'might' be a problem when not done correctly." Facebook comment
We have that same rule of no sleepovers. I had heard too many stories about children being molested by older siblings. It's just safer that way. Our kids know thats the rule. We will probably be the same though (let them stay out later but not stay over). I must say though we do let them do sleepovers at like cousins homes, only if they are family.
ReplyDeleteTrisha Christensen said: I loved having sleep overs, however world is changing. Go with your gut, it's usually right. On facebook
ReplyDeleteScout said: The world is not changing as much as people want to believe. What is changing is the caliber of parenting. Remember growing up and having your mom there when you came home from school? remember having the fear of God put in you by your stern but loving father? Now look, where are the parents? working? where are the kids? daycare, or worse. Kids these days are wimps and easy targets because parents have failed them.
ReplyDeleteWe don't teach our kids, we expect others to raise our kids for us, we don't listen to our kids, we just assume that they are ok and if something goes wrong we blame someone else and file a law suit. The world hasn't changed much, we have. On facebook
This is a tough one for me. I never wanted to be "that parent." You know, that one who shelters their kids and never lets them do anything on their own and they grow up really socially weird. There has to be some middle ground. Can you imagine these poor kids who are so sheltered and then get to collage (where every night is a sleep over), and it is quite liberating and freeing for some and truly horrifying for others. I'm not a big fan of sleep overs, and we don't usually do them (things even happen at cousin's houses), but there has to be some way for them to be put in these type of situations so they can learn and grow and know how to handle more serious situations of dorm rooms.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you all the way. My kids can do late nights and I go pick them up when ever the parents are having the kids go to bed like, 10-11pm, then if they want to go back over the next morning they can. I stayed up all night praying when my oldest daughter had her first sleep over years and years ago. I was sick with worry and fear. That was the end of sleep overs for our house forever. You can never be too careful. Too much can happen and too little supervision with my family's standards. Our one exception is when friends/family come from out of town to stay over at our house.
ReplyDelete